Hi there ! Back after a looong time!

Wildflowers

Unlike a rose, the wildflower's birth is not celebrated. Neither is its withering mourned. Its not expected to look 'Oh, so beautiful!' and not expected to smell 'Oh, so nice!' Its not sought after to grace living rooms and banquet tables. Yet, it blooms under the sun, fed by earth and rain. It lives for itself and dies unnoticed in namelessness of the wilderness. To be a wildflower or even the blade of grass by the riverside!

Worthless

The young fellow who cleans our cars came for his salary this morning. When I asked him his name, he said it hesitantly, in a low voice as though he was apologizing to me for his very existence on earth. And I thought of the irony of it. So convinced are we of our worthlessness, so brainwashed are we that we must do this, be that, for our lives to be 'worthwhile'. All our lives, we seek our worth in another's love, possessions, achievements and so on. We are kings in garbs of beggars, forgetful of our truth. We are uncut diamonds, convinced that we are pieces of coal, destined to be ashes.

Winning and Losing

What do I lose when I lose? What do I gain when I win?
For what do I undertake the arduous ascent and the inevitable desolate descent
from the pinnacle?
What do those few fleeting moments on the pinnacle give me? 
Why does this voice in my head tell me I MUST win? Where did this voice come from?
Is it the voice of the child I was, telling me, in fear ill concealed, WIN or no one will love you? You do not deserve to be loved otherwise.
For that is what the child was told, over and over, again and again.Not in so many words but yes, the message was conveyed, loud and clear. Your worth lies only in your winning.
But I am this child no more.
I will keep aside the tyranny of victory. I will embrace the freedom of losing.
For today, I know that in losing, I lose nothing, but the fear of losing love.

New Normal

i had asked her how she coped, the young wife of a man dying of cancer. She said to me that they no longer thought of normalcy. For them, every day was a new normal. Sometimes, I find myself thinking of what she said. What causes us pain is not the situation but what we compare it with. If we treat each day as a new normal, where is the pain?

Worshiping Goddesses !

Was thinking of how we women of the eastern states grow up worshiping images of heavily armed women astride lions, tigers, killing demons. We also hugely love and worship the image of a woman standing on her husband's chest, wearing a garland of severed heads, holding a head in her hand. Wondering how it impacts our psyches ! 
* for one thing, we love fighting our own battles and we don't really look at men as our rescuers! 

Who Am I

At the workshop yesterday, we were given materials and asked to express creatively, 'who I am' personally and professionally. I found it really hard as I could not find any symbol or metaphor which could describe me. Everything felt small, finite, limiting. I also could not find metaphors for my work, could say nothing except that my work is a spontaneous outpouring and expression of my being. I felt the odd one out in that room for some time but I also think that my phase of "doing nothing' is finally paying off  .