No Escape

It brings me peace to know that there is no escape.That there is no other place where I can go to be happy. That there is no other person who can make me happy, apart from myself. It kills my old dreams but awakens new ones. It brings me peace, that every doubt, fear, conflict I face, needs to be resolved, right where I am, by none other than me. This is the best place to do that and it was chosen by me. The goal is to become as nonjudgmental as possible by bringing my darkness to light. The darkness is all that is hidden in my psyche,the so called 'noble', 'ignoble', everything.The darkness triggers my fears, my conflicts.The key is the path of least resistance, of acceptance. Its doable for that is what i have come to do. Paradoxically, it is the thought of escape which causes suffering, as it makes me resistant to what is, what needs to be dealt with by me in order to learn my life lesson, the very reason for my being here.

Cellular Memory

Was reading about the ancient Chinese technique of acupuncture being used to relive past life memories. Certain points on the forehead, around ears and upper shoulders are stimulated by thin needles and the person can actually see images ofpast lives, accompanied by emotions, smells.The person is fully conscious and can speak about the images being seen. So the cells of our bodies store memories of not only this life but previous ones too. The mind exists not only in the brain but in every cell of the body. When the body is destroyed by death, memories do not die but are carried forward to the next body in entirety. When the new body is being made in the mother's womb, the occupying soul places its imprint on each atom of it.The soul is the real creator of its body. So now I see my body in a new light. Not just something to be used as a vehicle and discarded at death but a marvelous repository of knowledge in life. The body is a marvel and so Vipassana makes even more sense to me.

Leaves

Leaves obsess me these days.They haunt me with their changing colours, the trajectory of their existence. Bright sap green buds, slowly darkening hues of maturity and then the yellowing, browning of age.The change from soft suppleness to crackling brittleness. The tie with the tree steadily weakening, till one day, it breaks and the leaf is set free, to fall to the ground or to be carried by the breeze to some unknown destination. The elements work on it, pulverizing, disintegrating, reducing till it is absorbed back into earth, where it rose from. I think it is the growing bite in the November air, a reminder of the winter to come and the inexorable passing of time, which is making me think of leaves so often. And the never ending cycles of life.

Pasha

We met Pasha yesterday, my friend and I, just outside Karunashraya, on Old Airport Road. He was blind and was selling agarbattis. The pavement there is dangerous as it runs over a drain, is uneven and broken at places. So we bought some of his stuff and tried to steer him to a safer place. He had come in a bus from Chamrajpet, and he got three rupees for each packet he sold. As we walked with him, some shopkeepers and roadside vendors bought his agarbattis. After some time, we left him and watched from a distance, concerned, how he would manage, blind, alone, on a crowded road. And we saw him being helped by people, one after the other. His agarbatti packets were selling briskly as well.
And so we learnt from him that when one embarks on some work, trusting God, trusting destiny, things are taken care of. We learnt from him not to let our perceived shortcomings stop us from taking up new challenges. And we learnt courage and dignity.

Right Side Of Fifty

At a meet recently, I heard a speaker introduce herself by saying that she's on the wrong side of fifty.And it made me think a bit and take stock. I am on the 'wrong' side of fifty too. I am done with a major part of my family duties with the kids grown up and doing their own thing. Have gotten through the bothersome years of perimenopause. And now, I feel more energetic, youthful and happy than I ever was before. I am free to discover the world and my own self and the freedom is exhilarating. The more I know myself, the love for myself grows and I care less and less for what people think.The wrong side of fifty? Bosh!! I am on the RIGHT side of fifty and having the time of my life !Things have never been better! And also, its been a puzzle to me that people don't want to die young and don't want to age either! What say, Amu,Amutha Surabhimm and my other friends on the 'wrong' side of fifty ?